salad gravy

I've had a weight problem since I was 8 years old.
I've lost (and found) hundreds of pounds over my lifetime.
I'm doing weight watchers for the 49th time right now.  It's a great program, especially if you follow it.

I love the new program cuz most fruits and veggies are free.  That means you can eat as much as you want.  That makes me as happy as a family of ants at a church potluck dinner!
Here's my problem.  Salad is a pretty good choice for anyone watching their weight.
But, dressing is what makes a salad edible.  I'm not talking about low-fat or fat-free dressing.  Total imposters.
I mean full of fat, totally delicious, rich and creamy, cling to the hips dressing.
I use salad dressing like most people use gravy.  It's really salad gravy.
I love thousand island, blue cheese and dorothy lynch.
And who doesn't love hidden valley ranch?  Everything tastes better dipped in ranch.
Don't you think dorothy lynch should come in a bottle like Aunt Jemima?  She could be a very average looking middle aged woman.  Not a swimsuit model.  That would only cause false advertising lawsuits since swimsuit models don't use salad gravy.  I'd be glad to model for them if they would just ask :)

Ok, so any psychoanalyst could figure out the root of my weight problem if they read this post. 
I have a serious relationship with my food. 
I don't believe skimping on any relationship so I'm not about to skimp on my salad gravy.
I really do believe salad gravy is to salad what the disco ball is to any party.  It's the frosting on the cupcake.  The creamy middle to the oreo.  The fun in funtabulous.

What did Dorothy Lynch say to the refrigerator? Shut the door, I'm dressing!